Here I am making a list of things to achieve (work-wise).
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Yet more I walk around, the longer the list seems to get. There's like so much to do. Just so much. I wish I have Harry's wand to just put things in their place all at once.
Then again, I blame my OCD. Yes, I have OCD. I seem to work better when I have everything in place. Like everything seems clearer. Agree to disagree but to each his own. Not everyone functions the same way. That's what I kept telling myself the last few days. But certain things just gets me you know? Like no matter how one functions, things still have to be done? Does not matter how you get there, just freaking get there.
I foresee that this will be dark times for me. It'll be rainy days and slippery roads. Vultures circling the skies waiting to tear my flesh apart as soon as I drop on my knees. Still looking for subtle signs of positivity to push through these dark times. It's only a couple of months. Only a couple. of. months. Like group of 4 weeks. Clusters of 30 days.
Trying all I can to make the best of this. I'll just walk through this one day at a time. But no worries, you won't get me on my knees. I'll find the light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how long the tunnel is, I'll walk till I see the light. There's always a light. Even if it's small and faint right now. There's always a light.
You can tango with samba beats. Just gotta find the rhythm and dance you will.
Anyways, my fantasy GF says hi.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
So like the title of this post, it's day one.
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Of what you ask? It's day one where I have been whisked away from 90% of the things that I love in life. Yet truth be told, the cause of this does not even make up for the remaining percentage.
Maybe I have not found my footing yet. On the other hand, this isn't my first deployment here anyways. So I ponder as to what could cause the negativity this time.
Firstly, I was not consulted; I was told. Now that made me feel like ABCDEFG cos I just don't like things to be done in that manner. I want to feel like I matter, my opinions matter. Not to everyone but at least to somebody. Apparently, it doesn't. Life's like that I guess. It keeps giving you lemons and you try to keep making lemonade but for how long? How much lemonade can someone drink before they want to switch to something else? Something a little sweeter and a little less tangy perhaps.
Then came the issue of my lonesome self. Yes. I'm pushing 30 and still looking. People are married with kids, some even 2, at my age. Yet look at me. Forget about "Good things comes to those who wait.", "they will come when you least expect it" and blah blah blah. Done all those things. I believe that god has plans for me and the one is right around the corners. I have been rounding too many corners. Then maybe it's just me. I feel like I am this complex organism that is just never satisfied. But isn't that just being human? Maybe I have been tagging my search to something from a not so far past. I don't know. I don't even get myself at times. So that sums up the complexity of my nature. What I do know is that everytime I meet someone who is easy to my eyes something about her has to tarnish that almost perfect feeling I render. There's always that something. There is always a reason to run to quickest exit.
Bottomline is, I wana be home so that I can go on searching and not end up alone.
I did poke a sleeping bear when I met A before I left. Like it kind of stirred that part that was meant to be left alone. Itchy backside la!
Oh and Kathy. Poor lonely Kathy. She did throw a tantrum before she left. Broke her clutch lever with hopes that I'd stay a few more days to get it fixed. Sorry Babe. It's not that I don't want to but I can't. I'm not in the Big Leagues to get a say in all this. I'm just a part of an ambiguously big machine. Parts get replaced when they're worn out. Parts are parts. They merely ensure that the machine works until it's time to be replaced.
Gosh. That's enough rants for a first day. I'm just bored I guess. So to the handful reading this (Yes, I checked the stats), hope your life is on the track that you want. For me, I'll keep pushing in my own small little ways to get to mine. Till the next time!
Monday, October 20, 2014
Just shut up.
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Cos you make me wana punch you in a million and one ways.