What have I become?
:::Monochromed:::
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
:::Monochromed:::
Last weekend was an eye opener for me. A settling one. One laced with comfort. My fiancee slept over for the first time ever and I spent 2 whole days with her. Surprisingly, Ibu allowed her to sleep in my room while her own son slept on the couch. Hahahahaha.I have never thought I could be with someone in this manner, with these amorous feelings. Honestly, I never wanted to love again, to have something to lose.But this, made me want more. I have a need now. To wake up to someone next to me. To hug someone to sleep. To spend days and nights together with someone. That special someone.I love the fact that she is able to connect with my family. To be able to talk about anything. That comfort that I have unknowingly seek for years.Love is no longer about finding the right person. Love is being with a person who accepts you for who you are. All your idiosyncracies, your shortcomings and one who fills the gaps in your life. Love is finding your other half. I struck the lottery; I found my BETTER half. I'm complete. I found that someone. I found you, Sity Reyshahfinah: My Forever & Always. I'm ready to be a husband to you. Because not for a second in those 2 days do I not want you there. In fact, I need you to be there. 💚❤️
Thursday, December 08, 2016
It comes a point when enough is never enough anymore. When you try and it seems like it's futile. You hit a bump on the road and it leads you straight into a wall.
:::Monochromed:::
Conversations are just words strung together. Yet a fight seems to be the closest intimacy that one could get. No living hears your prayers. And the feelings you never want dead, are just distant right now. A string of words carrying weight nonetheless. Breaking the wall you walked straight into. You look into the dead velvet night, asking where you went wrong. What have you not done enough. The wall opened up to a road with forks leading to directions unknown. Roads you never want to take alone. For the fear of being alone. For the fear the road might not take you home. For fear the road takes you back to somewhere you know. Because you know how it feels to be at home.Sometimes with lots to say it's best not to say anything at all. You pull off a soliloquy hoping for a response yet none. Set the bar up high but i love you like no other, bar none. Take my word that I do. Although i know my actions seems like i sway. But the truth is I never wana walk away. I want to wake up and love you for another day and another and another until my hair turns all gray till a point it won't turn for another day.But the words you say left me frayed. Not sure if you would still want me to stay. Until a day, when enough is enough are the words you string together, to say.